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  1. Hi Jinal! I like that you added your own twist to the "Wizard of Oz" story and made it relevant to Rama and Bharata's story. I didn't think of that when I read the Ramayana and it made sense that would make the connection since it deals with colorful shoes that represent "home" for each character! Super creative idea! I also like that you showed more of Rama's heartbreak and sadness over his banishment. In the story, we only see things on the surface levels as Rama tries to look noble and brave in front of his brothers. However, in your story, we can see some of his fear and uncertainty. I also like that you give Rama's character a purpose too. He is determined to return home at one point and be the fearless leader that they need. It falls in line with what we know about Rama's character in the Ramayana, so good job with the consistent characterization. Good luck with your portfolio!

  2. Hi Jinal!
    What a cool idea to blend the Ramayana and the Wizard of Oz! The way you incorporated the gold sandals into the meeting with the Oz was so smart. I also think you did a great job of incorporating a lot of elements from both stories. I was kind of confused by the ending though. I was confused about why Dorothy clicked her heels and wished on a star for a new place to stay in the city. If the shoes had the power to send them home or do anything good, then why did she need to wish on a star? I also think it would be a good idea to talk more about why Dorothy chooses to stay in Oz. What does she feel she needs to do in Oz? What does she plan to do with the power and authority she has acquired? Good luck with the rest of your portfolio!

  3. Hey Jinal!

    First off, I love the theme of your first story! I think you did a great job of mixing the two stories very well together in a way where both stories can still shine in their own way. You provide a lot of imagery, which I love because I am a visual reader. However, I encountered some confusion when it came to the speaking parts of your story. You started off with quotation marks but then halfway throughout your introduction, you stopped. This made it confusing for me as a reader because at first I couldn’t tell if the narrator was talking or the character was talking.

    Second, your second story was really fun to read because I love Harry potter! I also love the underlying lesson of the story. It’s like learning knowledge but in a fun and entertaining way. Keep up the good work and good luck on the rest of your portfolio!

  4. Hi Jinal,
    I just got done reading through your portfolio and enjoyed the style. I noticed both stories are fusion style, in that they merge a story from the Indian epics and a popular modern story. Is that something that you plan on doing with every one in your portfolio? I thought about doing this with my own, as my first story was a similar fusion style of Rama and a contemporary cartoon, but ultimately ended up not making this fusion style a constant in my portfolio. I think it would be a cool idea if you do go this route.
    I have been a big fan of the Wizard of Oz since I was a kid, so had great imagery in my head while reading through the first installment. I would have liked to see more dialogue to add to the descriptions though, for example, maybe some cheeky dialogue between the dwarf who explains the significance of the shoes and Rama. I think it adds a more cohesive feel to most narratives, especially in short form, although I could see it being a stylistic choice from you, considering there was no dialogue in your second story.
    I'll have to check back later and see how the rest of your portfolio develops.

  5. Hi Jinal,
    First off, I really like the look of your portfolio! The color and images you use really work well and complement the tone of your stories. Your first story was a very fun read! I think the pacing and general language was great. Your use of vivid imagery really enhanced my reading experience and I don't know the story of the Wizard of Oz very well but your story was very interesting. I really liked the original Indian epic version of the story I think you did a great job fusing the Indian epic of Rama and his golden sandals with a more modern story like the Wizard of Oz. The stories in the Ramayana are so wild and fascinating and I always love seeing people retell them in a different way or put them into the context of other modern stories. I look forward to seeing how the rest of your portfolio turns out!

  6. Hey Jinal!

    Great stories! I loved the way you made them your own. I just have a few comments to help with phrasing to make the stories flow even better!
    From "The Twins", this sentence should change from "Their boss made them do ridiculous tasks just because she had to the right to" to "because she had the right to." Also, in your author's note, you say, "Therefore, the moral is to get greedy for more wealth ...." It sounds like you are encouraging people to be greedy!
    In the "Dorothy" story, you have few sentences that judt need. to be rephrased for extra clarity. Such as "The Scarecrow is eager for knowledge, Lion is reluctant to go in with no sense of courage, and the Tin Man is longing for a taste of emotion" (make them all parallel so 'The scarecrow is eager for knowledge, the lion is eager for courage, etc..'). Another sentence would be "we all feel the goosebumps appearing and hair raising from the tumultuous roaring head before us" ('we start to get goosebumps and the hairs on our arms rise from the sound of the tumultuous ...').

  7. Hi Jinal!

    I have really enjoyed looking over your project! I think the color and images work really well together so it is really fun to look at (along with your stories being very fun to read)! I wish your home page had more of an introduction to your site, rather than just a title page, though.
    I really liked your stories, I like the idea that they fuse together the traditional stories with the more modern style- especially the retelling of The Wizard of Oz! I think that is such a great idea, and it is something that I would not have thought of!

  8. I love the photo on the home page! It is very pretty!! I do think that your home page is pretty blank though. I wish there was something else on the page like a tiny paragraph letting us know what kind of story we are about to read. You could also let us know how you chose your story topic. It would be interesting to know because everyone is so different it is fun to read how the stories we are about to read came to be. The story Dorothy is so fun! You did a great job of really setting the scene. You also added dialogue which is great!! I was so excited it read the deathly hallows! I love Harry Potter!! I think you did a great job retelling the story! NOW I NEED TO WATCH HARRY POTTER!! Lol Great Job keep up the great work!!I cant wait to read more!!

  9. Hi Jinal!
    I love your page and all the pictures! A suggestion I had just at first look would be to maybe add some more pictures to really break up the reading! I really like your first story and the way you told it. You took a very simplified story and really elaborated on it. Maybe putting some dialogue in it will make the story seem more active? I love all of your stories and how they are based on really popular things like the Wizard of Oz and Harry Potter. The Dorothy story is so adorable! At first reading it, I literally had no idea what I was reading and how it even related to Indian Epics! After reading your author's note, I couldn't believe you again took a very simplified story and developed this elaborate story. I like how you told us kind of your inspiration for it!

    Can't wait to read more if you're not already finished!

  10. Hi Jinal, I enjoyed reading through your portfolio! I think we use the same site making tool, and it does a good job creating layouts. One thing I would adjust on your homepage is the size of the cover image. Right now, it only covers about a third of the page, and the rest of the front page is white! It would likely look better if the image covered at least two-thirds of the page. I might also add some sort of introduction under your cover page, or a small description to designate the year/ class your portfolio is for. I really enjoyed reading the three stories that you have up on your project! They're all tied together as folk tale retellings, and I think that gives your site a nice cohesion. I especially like the "Deathly Hallows" story! I didn't see the comparison between the brothers in the Mahabharata and the one's in Harry Potter until I read your story. Great work!

  11. Hi Jina, I read your first two stories and I have to tell you, you are a very creative writer. I was thinking about the Golden Goose for this week’s story but I was unable to think about ideas. I really enjoyed reading how you transformed the story and still kept its message. I like how you have included and connected the stories to modern things/ things most of know about and can connect to like the Wizards of Oz and Harry Potter. The addition of these made your stories much easier to read as at times we can become confused when reading the stories and not really understanding the language or what is going on. I think you have done an amazing job so far in all your stories. Great job! You’re an awesome writer.

  12. Hey Jinal.
    I love your project so far! I really like that you blended the wizard of oz with the Ramayana! Then your Harry Potter story was icing on the cake. I am glad you're going off the beaten path and making it your own because so many people just retell stories and not even in a creative way!

    Honestly I think your storybook is coming along really well and I am excited to keep up with you and it. Maybe just some grammar and punctuation things but besides that keep up the great work and enjoy the rest of your semester. Also stay healthy and safe!

  13. Hello Jinal,
    I really liked how you blended various stories from Indian epics with stories from modern culture that your readers would be more familiar with, like The Wizard of Oz and Harry Potter. It's always cool to read these ancient stories told in modern settings, or in a setting from an entirely different story. I didn't think of the golden sandlas relating to Dorothy's ruby slippers, but I liked your take on the story and how she managed to find her own home and make the best of her situation. I also liked that the story of the golden goose reminded me of Cinderella, since the two maids were basically slaves and mistreated. I think you've done a great job so far with your stories and your portfolio.


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